So here I am once more...

8:52pm: My current song of the forever
i meant to leave the house this morning
and begin making my way toward where you are
i meant to leave the house this morning
i made it halfway across the front yard

but the plum tree hung heavy in my head
and the plum tree hung heavy in my heart
and the plum tree hung heavy over me

so i tore off to the phone
to call you and tell you something, but i couldn't remember what
because through the clean, clean windows
saw the plum tree's leaves, as red as fresh blood

and the plum tree hung heavy in my head
and the plum tree hung heavy in my heart
and the plum tree hung heavy over me

11:35am: Recently Aaron and I started playing Chrono Cross, and I am absolutely in love with the World Map theme:



So gorgeous. I wasn't sure why I was so entranced by it, it sounded awfully familiar, but i couldn't quite figure out where I'd heard that progression before. But then I remembered this amazing little number from the new Regina Spektor album:



Goddamn this song is so incredible. Could Regina Spektor be a Yasunori Mitsuda fan? It's probably just a coincidence, but a girl can dream I suppose.

Still, if someone could combine Mitsuda's arrangement with Regina's vocals I would be in heaven <3

12:09am: They're MY DREEEEAAAAMMMMS!
So life is both wonderful and horrible right now.
I got into a ajor car accident a few days ago, just a few days after getting a speeding ticket. I have a bunch of hefty fines to pay, some court dates I must attend, and a massive increase in my insurance bill.
But I have Aaron, so it'll be okay.
He got his income tax check, so that should help out a lot. And I think he'll have a job very soon.

With his financial and emotional support, I have nothing to worry about.

He's so great to me, I don't know what I'd do without him.

Lately we've been listening to a lot of Marillion, trying to find "Fishisms". The lead singer Fish sings with a very heavy Scottish accent and has this thick Scottish cry when he hits the really high notes. Sometimes when Aaron and I are having a cigarette outside we'll talk to each other with Fish accents, and we like to imagine that the neighbors are concered about the angry scottish gentleman fighting in the driveway.
It's moments like that that make all this trouble worth it.

I was feeling cruddy these past few days, but I'm in a far better mood now, and I'm looking forward to my two days off. Tomorrow Aaron and I are going to Hucks.

Sorry I haven't updated in forever, but I want to let everyone know that i haven't forgotten any of you, and I love you all very much. ♥

also, I wrote some folky/countryish lyrics in my head before work:

Your strange ways make me nervous, whenever I'm with you
Listening to the lyrics of Adrian Belew
It's a dangerous place, but it'll be all right
when we're cuddled by the stereo, holding you tight

2:58pm: From djb05, a 39 year old:

"Hey, Im David GWm in Sioux Falls,South Dakota. Im seeking a young bottom, longhaired boi who can relocate. Drop a line if you wanna get to know me ok. David"

http://www.plentyoffish.com/member1062053.htm

No thankies.

I'm already somebody's longhaired boy. ♥

12:35am: I haven't had much of a reason to update. Every day has been the same for a while now.
I wake up around Noon-1PM, shower, get ready, go to work, get home, talk to Aaron until 4AM (which is always wonderful ♥), then wake up around the same time and repeat the process.
Lately, I've been having a lot of dreams about work, and it sucks, 'cause even when I'm not working it feels like I'm working
It's just like when I would go hiking, dream of hiking, and wake up feeling like I just hiked 5 miles.

Last night I dreamed that Aaron was here, and I got to work after spending time with him, and Leonard was like "you seem happy today". So I told him all about my boyfriend, and he just said "oh...", with that wide eyed expression he always has, staring off into space the way he always does.
Then for some reason I was playing Monkey Ball and trying to win a prize or something,and I kept losing. Then I woke up.

I start training to be a shift manager next week. I'm not supposed to discuss this with employees (Katrina reads this journal), but it's on the schedule and everything now I figure it's okay. (just don't tell Leonard you read this, Katrina)
I'm very excited about it. I'm a little nervous too, about all the responsibilities that come with it and everything.
But I've seen what the other shift managers do, and I think I could handle it.
The one thing I need to work on is counting money faster.

I'm working 5 days in a row next week, maybe more depending on what the week after's schedule is. I'm not looking forward to that, but I suppose it could be worse. At least I have Aaron to come home to every night ♥

Well,I'm gonna open my Christmas present from Bethany now. :)

Later Days.

2:20am: I got nothing to lose
I saw the sun in may
I've got something to hold on to
I fell in love today

I saw the break at dawn
I saw a child in play
I saw the spring in the winter time
I fell in love today

I walk with the birds in flight
I fly with love today
Green grass never looked so good
I fell in love today

I feel like a million bucks
Nothing could break my sway
You people can't touch me
I fell in love today

♥

1:55pm: Welll... my parents found out.
And they didn't react well to it.

They kept thinking that Caitlin was my girlfriend. I told them she was a lesbian, my mom said that was disgusting.
So, yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna do now.

I need to get out of here though. One way or another.

5:20pm: Something very strange happened last night.I told myself I wasn't going to get into another long distance relationship, but it seems that one may be developing...
I've been talking to this guy Aaron for the past few days. Last night we talked from 10PM to 8AM. We shared everything with each other, and it felt like we had so much in common. He told me i was beautiful. It made e feel so special.
He's going into the military, but he told me that after basic training was over he could ask to be stationed at a base in Maryland. And because of his high scores on all the tests, they'd probably allow it.

I'm still not sure if it's love, its far too soon to tell. Me and him are going to keep things open until everything starts coming together. If he found someone inbetween now and then, I wouldn't be upset about it.

After sleeping from 8 until 2PM I visited my grandmother in the nursing home.She seemed really angry and confused about something. I couldn't understand any of it. However, I did feed her a slice of Sam's birthday cake. She enjoyed it, she told me she'd been starving all day. After she was finished, she decided she wanted to take a nap, so i covered her up with a blanket and kissed her on the forehead and left.

I'm feeling very weird right now. I don't know what it is. But I can't wait to talk to Aaron again tonight. ♥

Later Days.

10:31pm: I met Chris tonight.
It was a little awkward meeting him. We struggled to find things to talk about, 'cause we'd covered all the basics on myspace.
He's really shy and quiet, so there was a lot of awkawrd silence, which he seemed totally comfortable with.
I really don't think it's gonna work with him. His personality isn't something I'd want in a boyfriend either. And I just can't be with a guy who's as shy as I am.
Plus, he's 25 and lives with his parents and doesn't have a job or go to school. And his excuse forit is his depression. Which I might understand, except he really doesn't seem like a depressed guy at all.
And I don't really find him physically attractive at all. he's a big guy with a baby face, I don't like baby faces, which is why I didn't find Mark attractive either.
Mark IMed me last night. He was saying how he's sad and lonely and asked me if I was seeing anybody, I mentioned Chris, and he stopped talking to me after that.

I hate being so picky. But Terry set such a high standard and I don't think any guy is going to live up to it.
He was so perfect for me. I should have never left him.

I have two more days off, and nothing to do. I'll probably spend some time with my grandma, and catch up a bit on Zelda.
And i don't have much time until I have to tell my parents everythng. I'm looking forward to moving out, but thinking about telling them is freaking me out.
But I've still got a week or so left, so I guess I'll enjoy it while I can.

I can't stop listening to this song. Fripp's guitar soundscapes are so beautiful.
I wish Robert Fripp's guitar could be my boyfriend.

2:11am: Pokeball go! Alright, Pidgey was caught!
Eeee, the Pokemon craving was just too strong. I got an emulator so I could download Pokemon FireRed.
I chose Charmander. ♥
I feel like such a kid. It feels so great.

11:35pm: Tomorrow night I shall be seeing Regina Spektor. It's going to be so wonderful.
I'm sosososososososo excited right now.
I'm so excited that I can't listen to her right now. If I did I would explode with excitment.

Today wasn't too special.
It was lonely at the register today. I miss having Aimee up there with me. Katrina's always away doing managerial stuff unless theres a line or I go to have a cigarette. And Matt never says a word when he's up there. So I never have anyone to talk to.
Theres gonna be only three of us next week on all the days I'm scheduled. I didn't know we were that badly understaffed. It's gonna be even more lonely. :(

I've discovered that matches are far better for lighting cigs than lighters. Plus, matches are free.
I still need to learn how to look cool lighting with a match. Like how Tom Waits does it. Of course, I'll never be as badass as Tom Waits, nobody can be.
I won't be able to smoke at all tomorrow, unless I go out by myself sometime before I have to leave. That's going to suck. But then again, it won't 'cause I'll be seeing Regina.

I keep having dreams about Pokemon.

And all day I thought about how much I miss my cousin Emma and would like to see her again.

This entry was a waste of time.

Regiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnna tomorrrow ohmygod. ♥

10:32pm: So, I met Mark at the Double T Diner. Not much happened. We just talked about stuff, told each other our life stories.
I was being really shy and I felt like I was making a bad impression. But I don't think it made much of a different, 'cause he talked a lot so there weren't many awkward silences.
Our waitress was described by him as a "Stereotypical diner Waitress". I told him she looked like she came straight out of a Quinten Tarintino movie, and she probably had some weird backstory that involved moving to New York and getting involved with criminals. He didn't know who Quinten Tarintino was.
I paid for dinner. He tried to convince me not to, he was like "it's not a date or anything". But I insisted. And he contributed $3 to the tip. He said he'd pay for the movie tomorrow.
I also made him a CD. I bured him a copy of Patrick Wolf's Lycanthropy.
He asked me if I wanted to come over, I told him I wasn't ready. I was just scared that if something happened I wouldn't know what to do, since i haven't been with a guy in such a long time.
But later while w were talking on AIM he said he wasn't planning on messing around with me or anything, so I dunno.

He seems to like me though. And I'm pretty sure I like him too.

I don't know why I'm feeling so shy and nervous around him though. I wasn't nearly as shy around Jeff, but maybe it was 'cause I knew nothing would happen with him.

I dunno. I just feel sorta weird right now.
But I'm still excited for tomorrow. ♥

8:58pm: I just got home about an hour ago. I've been in the studio working on a project for Audio production. I have to do a remix of "Only" by Nine Inch Nails using ProTools. So far, it's turning out great.
I've been fooling aorund with the bass sound. I don't think I've found the perfect bass sound yet, but I've been working on it. The trouble is the raw recording of the bass is already very distorted, so it's hard to alter it without messing something up. I might have to change the frequencies manually to get the sound i'm going for
I changed the ending to the song. I copied and pasted the "only"'s repeated at the ended, so it repeats twice. Then I gradually cut out tracks, so it's just bass, drums, drone and vocals, then it's just drums/drone/vocals, then drone/drums, and then it ends with a final drone. It sounds pretty sweet.
And I fooled around with the levels on a few of the other tracks. I turned the piano way up 'cause it sounds really cool and i thought it was too buried in the mix. I also turned the guitar up, and cut out this one guitar part that was bugging me. I think I might paste another guitar part in there, but I'm not sure yet.

I don't know if anyone finds this interesting, but I certainly do. I think if I actually figure out what I'm doing, I could seriously see myself doing this as a job.

My mom doesn't get her laptop back for four business days, so she'll be using mine until wendesday.
She's a fucking slob. I can hear her cough all over it, and she doesn't even cover her mouth. And the screen is filthy from her sneezing all over it. That fucking pig. God only knows what else she's done.

11:19pm: It's all over all over all over all over my face...
Blah, tonight was sorta lame.
I met Jeff up at "Hucks" as they call it. He was going to introduce me to a bunch of people, and none of them showed up, so it was just me and him, and we had run out of things to talk about, which made it sorta awkward.
Anyway, we got bored there, so we went up to the mall, and I met a couple of his friends there. He was talking to this one girl at Hot Topic, and me and the other girl there didn't have anything to say, so we felt "out of the loop".

Then I drove to Wawa and hung out there for a bit. It was really slow, so they were like "please stay and keep us company" so I did.
I had a smoke with Caitlin. I talked to her about maybe moving in with her, she was like "that would be cool". So we'll see. I really wanna get out of here.
Jeff came by the Wawa to get coffee. I asked him if he wanted to have a cig with me, but he said he had to go home and catch Boston Legal.
But he told me I could hang out with him on friday after work and get drunk.
I really want to. I've never been drunk before, I just need an excuse for my parents. If anyone has any ideas at all, I'd appreciate it.

That Kyle guy messaged me back. He gave me his number and he says we should meet at Starbucks or something on either wednesday or thursday.
I'm not really romantically attracted to him in any way, but I'm interested enough to at least get to know him.
He's a big guy. Nothing wrong with that, I'm not shallow or anything. And there are plenty of sexy big guys out there (Frank Black ohmygod).

I'm still shy as hell and I still suck at making conversations with people. I need to bloody work on that.

However, I did finish my first pack of cigs tonight. And with my last one, I was able to inhale all the way through and only cough a little bit!

I've been feeling really lightheaded all night. I was feeling that way before I even started smoking though, so I know it isn't that. I don't know whats wrong, i just get this way sometimes. Everything randomly gets blurry and heavy and I have to lay my head down and close my eyes until it goes away. It happened like three times tonight, it was scary.

7:11am: Blunga blunga, blunga blunga
Well it seems I've been so distracted with everything else that I haven't said anything about work.
WaWa is a great place to work at. None of the things I have to do are that difficult, and the people I work with are very helpful. When it gets slow we joke around and stuff, and it's fun.
I've been working the register, and for a new guy I think I'm going a pretty good job.
Like I said, it's all pretty easy stuff.

I am very tired though, but I have to stay awake 'cause Jade said she'd be here at 7 and I wanna talk to her.
She's never early, shes always late. First thing I learned is that I always gotta wait.
I'll keep myself awake 'til noon if I can then sleep all afternoon.
Then I work again tonight.
Then I work tuesday-friday next week, I think.
I'll have to check.

Anyway, like I said, work is going good. I'm glad I have a nice job with good pay and I don't have to work at shitty Quiznos for minimum wage anymore.

Later Days.

9:07pm: Well, Jade and I are just friends now.
We're still in love, and we're still going to be together.
We just couldn't keep going on like we were. We needed some space.

We're gonna be back together though. Probably still in September.
And once we're together, I know we'll never be apart.

I have some doubts about everything, of course. And she knows this already.

I just want her to be happy, and if this makes her happy, then it's okay.

I really don't know how I feel though, I'm just trying to get used to it.

In heaven, everything is fine
In heaven, everything is fine
In heaven, everything is fine
You've got your good thing
And I've got mine

In heaven, everything is fine
In heaven, everything is fine
In heaven, everything is fine
You've got your good thing
And you've got mine

In heaven, everything is fine
In heaven, everything is fine
In heaven, everything is fine
You've got your good thing
And you've got mine
All mine

In heaven, everything... is... fine.....

12:56am: Who loves orange soda?
Kel loves orange soda.
Is it true?
Mmmmhmmmm! I do I do I do I do I do-ooo!

I wonder if anyone else remembers that show

8:46pm: Admidst all of this excitment about graduating I have forgotten that my grandmother is going to be here.
My father's mother. Not my mother's mother, who is in an old folks home with altzheimer's.

I don't like my father's mother. I think I've written in here before about why I don't like her.
She's annoying.

THe most annoying part is that she'll probably wanna go out and do stuff and she'll keep telling me to get off the computer, when all I really wanna do is talk to Jade.

I got $30 in the mail from some uncle I don't know because I'm graduating, which is pretty sweet.
Maybe I'll buy those headphones I wanted. Or maybe I'll get a microphone like i wanted.
Blockbuster hasn't called. If they do call I'll be surprised.

I feel like I'm running out of places to apply.
My grandmother will be bothering me with ideas about places to work. And I bet she'll tell me to reapply at Burger King.
Ugh. I really don't like her.

And I miss my mother's mother. And I miss my father's father.

And you can't find your waitress, with the geiger counter
and she hates you and you're friends and you
just can't get served without her

I love this song.
And it upsets me when people laugh at it. I don't think Waits was trying to be funny.

7:42pm: And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight


I'm gonna have this stuck in my head all night.
Thanks Jade.

7:53pm: Alternate version found on GJ
So here's how it works: open your choice of music player and put it on shuffle. Press play. For every question, type the song that's on. And when you go to a new question press the next button. Ready? GO!

Opening credits: Neil Young & Crazy Horse - "Be The Rain"
Waking up: The Residents - "Strawberry Fields Forever" (hahahaha. sweet)
Average day: Phish feat. James Brown- "Mmmmmmbop"
First date: Devo - "Praying Hands"
Falling in love: King Crimson - "Discipline"
Fight scene: Tito & Tarantula - "Carachas Anjoas" (awesome!)
Breaking up: Tom Waits - "T'Ain't No Sin"
Getting back together: Medeski Martin & Wood - "Coconut Boogaloo"
Secret love: The Who - "The Rock"
Life's okay: Pink Floyd - "Money"
Mental breakdown: King Crimson - "Laura In Space"
Driving: Lou Reed - "Riptide"
Learning a lesson: A Tribe Called Quest - "We Can Get Down"
Deep thought: King Crimson & Tool - "Fripp Soundscape Intermission"
Flashback: Genesis - "I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)"
Partying: King Crimson - "Space Groove I"
Happy dance: The White Stripes - "Isis"
Regretting: Aesop Rock - "Save Yourself"
Long night alone: Daniel Johnston - "Fly Eye"
Death Scene: Ween - "The Argus"

Okay, at least the one in my GJ kinda made sense. This one makes no sense whatsoever.

9:28pm: Deaner
Gimme gimme gimme
I need some more
Gimme gimme gimme
Don't ask what for
1234
Sitting here, like a loaded gun
waiting to go off
I got nothin' to do
but shoot my mouth off
so gimme gimme gimme
gimme some more
gimme gimme gimme
don't ask what for
I'm gonna go out
get somethin' for my head
if I keep on doing this
I'm gonna wind up dead
so gimme gimme gimme
gimme some more
gimme gimme gimme
don't ask what for
I know the world's got problems
I got problems of my own
not the kind that can be stopped
with an atom bomb
so gimme gimme gimme
gimme some more
gimme gimme gimme
don't ask what for
Gimme gimme gimme
I need some more
gimme gimme gimme
don't ask what for
1234
Sitting here like a loaded gun
waiting to go off
I got nothin' to do but shoot my mouth off
so gimme gimme gimme
I need some more
gimme gimme gimme
don't ask what for

repeat 31 times.
then Leave Deaner Alone!!!

4:55pm: This is my last week of real actual school. Woohoo!
After this I just have a week of finals. Then no more school forever!

My Piano Lab assignment is tomorrow. I'm very excited.

I still haven't decided on a song, so I just put these songs on a CD, and I'm going to spotaneously choose one:

"Gates Of Steel" by Devo
"S.I.B. (Swelling Itchy Brain)" by Devo
"Welcome To The Machine" by Pink Floyd
"Like Spinning Plates" by Radiohead
"Kid A" by Radiohead
"The Piano Has Been Drinking" by Tom Waits
"Roundabout" by Yes

The last two were just kind of thrown in there. Welcome To The Machine and Like Spinning Plates are my top choices, but I'm having so much trouble choosing between them that I might choose another.

Or if anyone has any other reccomendations I may just spotaneously change my mind again tonight.

6:18pm: http://kevan.org/johari?name=Captain+Fantasy

9:44pm: Everyone should download "Birthday Boy" by Ween.
It is SUCH A GOOD SONG.
I had one of those "infinite" moments when I first heard it.

And now I suddenly feel like rereading Perks.

11:12am: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxCKLz9fJz4&search=Placebo